Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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