1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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