his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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