Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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