i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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