Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
