Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
