How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
being pregnant is like rehab
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
