i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
