rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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