if i can run in heels then i can drive
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
