i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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