I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
