I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
