ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I AM VODKA MAN
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
