What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
