he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The beer is more important than you right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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