lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
