there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
