yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
