After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
