yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
