Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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