hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
