I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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