There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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