I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
