I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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