One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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