I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
