Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this just has baby written all over it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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