I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
