And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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