you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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