Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
