i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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