im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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