And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
