Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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