My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
