the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
