your parents love me but you hate me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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