My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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