I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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