I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
