whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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