Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
