Buhtt sex?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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