Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
