i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
