somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
