So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
