I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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