he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
