Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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