I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
