"it" just moved
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
