she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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