my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
