Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
