Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
