I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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