Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
