Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize