it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
