sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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