lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
