Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
