I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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