I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
