I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
