I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
