yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
