he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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