I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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