Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
