Quick, to the slutcave!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
