I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
