Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
