I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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